My personal letter of hope and healing at 16 weeks postpartum
Welcome to a very personal sharing on my blog. Today, I'm opening up my heart and my diary to share a letter I wrote to myself when I was 16 weeks postpartum. This isn’t just a reflection; it’s a testament to the struggles, the despair, and ultimately, the resilience and hope that define the postpartum journey for so many of us.
In this letter, I confront the realities of postpartum depression and anxiety, the unspoken hardships of motherhood, and the transformative power of seeking help. It’s a raw and honest account, intended to reach out to any mother who finds herself in the throes of similar challenges.
So, join me as I revisit these deeply personal moments, hoping to shed light and offer solidarity to those walking this tough yet rewarding path.
Dear Mom,
I'm writing this piece reflecting on my journey when my daughter is just over 16 weeks old. It’s a message of hope and resilience from a place of deep challenge.
Two months postpartum, I found myself at the edge of despair, contemplating suicide. The turning point was reaching out for help, the best decision I ever made.
Back in December 2020, my husband and I, brimming with love and stability, decided to expand our family. We were ready – a cozy home, fulfilling careers, and hearts full of anticipation. When I got pregnant in April, it felt like everything was falling perfectly into place.
However, by 5-6 weeks into the pregnancy, my world turned upside down. Severe pregnancy sickness took hold, far beyond normal nausea. By week 8, I was bedridden, unable to move without assistance, sleep, eat, or find comfort. Despite repeated pleas, the help I sought seemed elusive. My condition, later diagnosed as Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), led me into a spiral of weight loss, weakness, and a seemingly endless descent into darkness.
The thoughts of ending it all, to escape the sickness, or considering abortion, haunted me. It wasn't until around 30 weeks, with the help of a Perinatal Outpatient Program (POP), group and individual therapy, that I saw a glimmer of hope. However, by then, I had accumulated nine months of sleep debt, my physical health was shattered, and my mental state fragile.
My daughter's birth, though a relief from pregnancy, introduced new challenges. The postpartum period was marked with physical pain, difficulties bonding, and a crushing sense of regret and self-loathing.
When my daughter was 8 weeks old, a sudden onset of intense postpartum depression and anxiety hit me. The crushing weight of this emotional turmoil left me unable to eat, sleep, and filled with suicidal thoughts. It was only through urgent intervention, sleep medication, and later, starting antidepressants, that I began to find my way back to myself.
Now, writing this piece, I feel like I can breathe again. The love for my daughter grows each day, and I am finally proud to be her mother. The journey has been incredibly hard, but I want you to know, dear mom, that it does get better.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or lost, please ask for help. If the first person doesn’t listen, keep asking. Your happiness is the best gift you can give your child. You are the best mother your child could have, and they need you.
So, hold on to this – it does get better, but only if you ask for help and receive it. You're not alone in this.
With love and understanding,
Elisabeth
As I share this intimate piece of my life with you, my hope is that it resonates with those who may be silently enduring their own battles during this tender phase of motherhood. Remember, struggling postpartum doesn't diminish the incredible mother that you are. It's a phase that many of us go through, often shrouded in silence and stigma.
If my story echoes your feelings or experiences, I want you to know that reaching out for help is not only brave but essential. There's strength in vulnerability and immense power in admitting that you need support. Whether it's talking to a loved one, consulting a professional, or simply connecting with fellow moms who understand, every step towards seeking help is a leap towards healing.
Your feelings, as intense and overwhelming as they may be, are valid. But they don't define your entirety as a mother or as a person. There is a world of support waiting for you, and a community here at Elle's Corner ready to embrace you with open arms.
So, dear moms, let this be your sign to prioritize your well-being, to speak up about your struggles, and to embrace the support that surrounds you. You are not alone in this journey, and with the right help and resources, brighter days are ahead.
With love and solidarity,
Elisabeth
